/>“Like a moth to a flame burned by the fire.”
There is something to be said about old habits dying hard, even when you’re still inching away from the trough of what promises to be a very high peak with something called “your life.” In terms of my life, I talk specifically about thinking for a very long time that I need to develop thick skin.
It was recently that I found out all of my efforts toward developing thick skin may have been a big waste of my time and, actually, worked against me. I’ve always been that girl who hung out with the boys, since I was a tiny kindergartner to now as a young professional, giving as many insults and comebacks as I was taking; often trying to beat them to the punch and say insults about myself first. I learned that the best defense is a better defense. When someone tries to say something nice about me, I don’t believe them or don’t accept the compliment because of how I’ve always tried to protect myself to be one of the boys. What I’ve found recently was that as much as I always wanted to be the kind of girl who can roll with the punches and give plenty of my own, I’m learning now (as if it wasn’t any obvious) that I am still a girl. I am sensitive. I am fragile. And, I am more than perfectly okay with it.
The thing with fragility is the opportunity to become vulnerable. I don’t know who came up with the bright idea that vulnerability is a bad thing. The way I see it, vulnerability gives you a chance to open yourself up, and eventually open up ones you’ve been vulnerable toward to, too. And that is the key to gaining a whole lot more out of relationships with others than witty banter (which is always fun, too). Letting my guard down toward any individual is a real gauge of how I see my relationship with him or her.
The fact of the matter right now is that I have let my guard down, and I hope the right person realizes it, and realizes that it is the rawest form of me. Old habit thrown out the window.
From EWF to Sade, from a lopsided night of basketball shooting contests to lopsided nights of billiards, from past trips to future trips, from staying in to staying by my side when I absolutely needed you: you are important to me, and I hope I am to you.
